Keep Calm and Keep Filing

There’s that saying, "When all around you are losing their head, keep filing". It’s often true in times of crisis that beavering away at menial tasks can give folks a sense of normalcy and maintain a calm that may otherwise desert them.

We know for a fact that when the Dot Com mansion was stormed, Kim was found in his panic room, relatively un-panicked, and filing his tax return. A subsequent audit verified that he’d filed all his paperwork in the correct files with the correct labels.

You don’t see it in the documentary but at the moment the asteroid is about to hit the earth in Armageddon, the NASA records manager was importing labels on Print C-Ezi using a CSV File. It was only after Bruce Willis managed to detonate the nuclear device and prevent impact that she needed to create one more label for the OSH "Near Miss" accident register.

Things could’ve worked out much differently for the Titanic as it happens. When the mail-room heard the claim from a White Star Line co-worker that not even God himself could sink this ship, they assumed that’s because he was going to be filing the ship’s co-ordinates and iceberg avoidance manuals. He was in fact making polar pops. Enough said.

It’s only in the director’s cut that you see who was actually called when there was something strange in the neighbourhood: it wasn’t Ghostbusters, it was Filecorp. The Ghostbusters’ entire filing system was destroyed by ectoplasm and we were called in to consult on a suitable EDRMS option.

Based on this factual and compelling research it would be prudent to hold off any filing until Tuesday morning, for depending on how the vote for X Factor goes you may find yourself requiring the gentle balm of a 2001 File, an Ezi Clip and the AGM minutes.

In conclusion, if you do find yourself in times of trouble, best not to wait for Mother Mary to call, she may be offline and won’t see your Tweet for help or read your Facebook Private Message; our advice is to Keep Calm and Keep Filing.